What better way to spend a Sunday than watch anime and decorate for Halloween 🎃
Edens Zero was a series I actually wasn’t expecting much of, but it’s a great show! Even more surprising is that the voice acting is pretty great in English! And the fight scenes are actually pretty badass. I had watched a bit before but never paid a lot of attention. I went back and watched it and wow! I’m already on episode twelve. Nyehehe
Anyway, I thought I’d say hello (hewo) and that writing and an easier way to read my writing is coming soon. The Haunting Hour Podcast starts back this Wednesday, October 19th! Just in time for spooky, scary deliciousness~
Hey guys! It’s been a bit and a long emotional journey but finally I have found a place to live. I am so very lucky to be able and record in my own room which is so foreign to me that I was in shell shock for two days just staring at the beauty. My own room for art, and recording. While I have a long time ahead to be able and replace all of my things, I am grateful that I have been able to replace my microphone.
For those of you left in the dark, I was caught in the floods in Dallas and my home was completely destroyed. I had to live in hotels until this week and finally am able to get back to a normal life.
I’ve been trying to decide when the big day will be that I can finally start releasing more episodes and believe that I can start on either the first or second week of October. Just in time for the spookiness! Needless to say that I am ecstatic for my favorite time of year to begin. While most of my holiday décor was destroyed, I can at least carve pumpkins and maybe string up festive garland. Oh and movies. Lots and lots of creepy movies. This time of year is just the best and I love it!
Of course as most of you know, I’m not one to keep up with social media and I’m a bit of a hermit but I do so love to write and make podcasts for all of you. Know that your dark story mistress is back babyyyy and we’re all about to get our spooky on again.
Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, yours truly had a podcast. (doesn’t everybody tho?) If you aren’t familiar with my older work, you can check it outhere.I’d like to pick up doing that again and focus on what I love most─ creepy, spooky, and downright sinister stories. In addition to my audio-stories, I’m thinking of doing creature features with folklore, urban legends, and true tales of terror.
Occasionally, you’ll findWebcomics that I post both there and on my blogs. I still haven’t figured out how to change my theme on each one of my pages, but hey, we’ll get there eventually. Don’t get my humor? It’s ok, neither does anybody else. ❤
I help run a company which means I am limited on my time for content but I do try to update as often as I can and hope you enjoy your time here. I mostly write horror, thrillers, and sci-fi. Dark humor is my cup of tea and chances are it’s yours too if you’ve stuck around. 😉
Sometimes, my posts can be touchy-feely and others─ downright Debbie-Downer-Depressing. But that’s why I’ve tried to place those under blog~ I struggle with crippling depression, which apparently so does half the people on the planet. Mine can go anywhere from a week until a year, which is really tough to get through, but I have managed to get myself up and going a little more here recently. I’ve sincerely missed writing and having some sort of online interaction. In any case, I’m glad to be back!
What is it about the supernatural that really draws you in, that gets your blood pumping and chills running down your spine? Maybe it’s the boogey man─ the cold, cool surface of a mirror with a sinister entity waiting for you to close your eyes. Or possibly the killer hiding beneath your bed, waiting patiently outside of your home, or up in the attic watching through the ceiling vents.
Many people to this day believe in ghosts, or demons. Some swear that there are creatures living beyond our realm or in parallel universes. Whatever your personal fear may be, it’s fun to just imagine a world beyond the norm. Even if it does terrify you, there is a small part of your brain that hopes something else exists. Be truthful with yourself for a moment─ isn’t it dull to think that we are are all completely alone?
Since I was a child my family would sit and watch scary movies. My mother especially liked the thought of angels, spirits, aliens, or ghosts. She would talk about seeing what she was convinced were aliens flying in the sky or that alien abductions were real. I can confidently say that it was an interesting childhood if nothing else.
If none of us really liked the fear of the unknown or being scared until we borderline shit our pants, places like haunted houses wouldn’t exist. Know someone that doesn’t like scary movies? That is a fear within itself, knowing that if we watch something like that we wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. So, fear of being afraid─ hmm. Phobophobia, anyone?
The meaning behind fear attached as an emotion didn’t come about until around the 1300’s. In old Englishfæran─ to terrify or frighten, orfær─ sudden danger, peril, or sudden attack. Which is why it makes sense to classify it as an emotion. Several hundred years later (around 620 years to be exact!) American physiologist Walter Cannon found that fear triggers an emotional response in the amygdala, firing a chain of chemical events that readies the body for a fight, or flight response. I never had that theory put to the test on me until the age of ten. My best friend at the time and me were playing outside, going up and down alleys with our bikes. There were an older group of boys well known by the neighborhood kids as the local assholes. (We found it out quickly when a game of hide-and-seek turned into them charging and tackling younger, weaker kids.) Thankfully, they tended to to pick on girls a little less─ albeit the occasional bloody nose or skinned elbows and knees.
One day, we’ll call him Mr. Quackers, Mr. Quackers decided that because I never cried or responded to his bullshit (for whatever reason unknown to me, I was one of the lucky few that only got called names) got a wild hair up his ass to try and attack me. I still have no clue what happened to that kid or why he was so psychotic, but needless to say he was fully committed (bless his heart) to putting the fear of god in me and my friend. Whether it was to scare us, or actually harm us, we’ll never know because my next series of actions even surprised me. His face contorted from a combination of manic glee and anger to confusion as I crouched, squared my shoulders, and charged back toward him. Either I got stupid lucky or he got caught off-balance, but he flipped over my left shoulder and landed hard on his back.
Something snapped, and some might say that my fury grew three times that day.
I’ve always had a protective side─ you mess with me, it’s whatever. Sure, it hurt and at times dug pretty deep, but seeing my friends or someone else getting picked on stirred the beast. I straddled him and went right for the face, throwing as many punches as the other kids allowed. I’m sure they didn’t really hurt that bad (considering I was all of ten years old and he was nearly fourteen) and I’m sure I didn’t know what I was doing or how to punch that well, but the point had been made. I don’t know it if was one of his friends or mine, but a few kids grabbed me roughly by the shoulders and drug me away kicking and screaming. Imagine a very angry bobcat, flurries of hissing, spitting, and yelling as I attempted to claw my way back to my prey.
Even though he had managed to scare me, I learned something about myself that day. Your body just sort of reacts, there is no thought. The strange part was even though I had been afraid, I felt alive afterward. Like that fear and adrenaline left me with a sense of euphoria. I later would learn in high school that phenomenon is endorphins released from the brain to make you feel better. Similar to what chocolate does. That’s where we circle back to that fear-inducing spark that leaves us all feeling like we’ve barely escaped our doom─ and damn, does it feel good. That’s where I think all of this may stem from, the relief of being alive.
But getting back to my earlier point, we enjoy being scared because of that chemical reward. Also? Who doesn’t like to feel like we’re special and some nefarious entity has singled us out.
We all have that one story (or a story that’s been passed on through our family) we can’t explain─ maybe it’s noises in the dark, or lights coming on when they shouldn’t. What was that looking down from the window of the old abandoned Blackwood home? You know the one where everyone died a horrible death. Even if these aren’t something you can relate to, why do we go a little faster down dark hallways or a small spike of panic as we move through the dark to the bathroom? There is no logic to it and we rationalize with ourselves that nothing is there─ but it never actually works, does it?
Because the fact remains that all of us, just a little bit, like to feel that prickly sensation and wonder─ am I really alone?
So, I know my last few blogs have been political and I didn’t want them to all be downers so I thought I would start one off this morning with a little cheer. I can’t believe that Halloween is this Sunday, holy cow how time has flown by! I am more than ashamed that nothing of mine has been updated in quite some time. Finding the will to motivate myself with mountains of work this summer left me depleted. However, the good news is we are starting the slow season for our state which means I get far more time to do this. It feels like stretching after a long rest from head to toe. You know the kind─ where your body tingles and shivers and your toes curl. *sigh*
How is everyone else’s week going? Anyone ready for the coming holidays? I am so confused at myself this year because literally all of my Christmas shopping is completed. Me? Not procrastinating? Wow. Needless to say I am both impressed and excited to lose some of that holiday stress.
So, what makes Halloween special for all of you? I realize it’s not for everyone─ some people view it as a scary or satanic holiday which makes me really sad because it is such a unique and fun holiday! Also, c a n d y. >:3
I remember roaming the streets as a kid, mystified by all of the time and effort people had put into their homes for just one night of the year. Just like many middle class neighborhoods, our neighbors went the extra mile to give us a night to remember. This still happens today and I find that the more upper class areas we visit don’t seem to participate as much─ most houses are dark. Well boo to them!
Even today I find myself loving to get spooked and watching horror movies. I used to go to haunted houses all the time but I’ve grown tired of some of the tired old troupes: zombies, clowns, asylums, mad scientist. There is one that seemed pretty interesting this year at Dark Hour, it’s a witch cult themed. I’m thinking I may have to check that out before the season’s over. What I’ve really been into as-of-late are escape rooms. Even though (bless my heart) I’ve only managed to escape two out of five I’ve played. Granted, it is only me and my kiddo, but we have a total blast. If I’m being honest, we both like to keep it that way. It’s sort of a bonding experience that feels icky with other people in the mix. And of course, being the type of people we are, choose the absolute hardest rooms they have. Oh, but the satisfaction is immense when we solve each puzzle─ even the one’s we have failed we came within five minutes of solving. So frustrating, yet motivating at the same time!
Though my time has been scarce I have managed to write and though I’ve mentioned it like a bajillion times (totally a word. Is it? wait─ hmm.), I feel like I’m at a point that I am comfortable with saying I can release it soon. It’s probably also a good idea to make sure I separate the writing from blogs, as some of my blogs can be ._.zzzz
With that being said, I hope everyone has a great day today and feels like happy, dancing chipmunks whirl across your mind in a sea of glitter, rainbows, and unicorn poo~
So, much to my protest, every second I’ve wanted to spend writing has been consumed by company time. Not that I am complaining, because busy is good─ it means I keep having a roof over my head and food on the table. But being ready to get back to writing and not able to has been a bit…frustrating to say the least. In any case, this is me saying yes, I am working on my next piece and yes, it will be posted. I’m really, really hoping that I can upload this coming weekend. The ending of The Watchmen – Part X – A Horror Novella is on my agenda as well, so don’t you worry─ it is coming. 😉
This is me, giving a public service announcement that yes, your girl is going to finish and write asap. Hopefully you guys are all set to blow things u─ I mean, spend time with family and definitely using fireworks in a safe manner. >:3
I plan on stuffing my face with all the things and watching fireworks. You guys da best, many hugs from me.
Hello all! I just wanted to let you all know that I have been working to finish my other horror novel The Watchmen https://cagreyson.com/2019/10/22/the-watchmen-part-i-a-thriller-short-story/ and will be posting another one that I have been working on as well! I’m excited to get it to all of you and even more excited at the motivation I’ve been having to write again. It’s been a rough road for me emotionally but I am ready to get out there again.
I really appreciate the kind words I have received recently, they have gone a long way and haven’t gone unnoticed. So, really, thank you so very much. I’m hoping to have the first chapter up this weekend! I hope that you can enjoy it with all your hearts. ❤
I’ve been at the lowest emotional point of my life the past several months. I can’t find the will to do anything but work, sleep, breathe. It’s been rough.
While I’m not at one hundred percent, I do feel like I can dip my toes back into the water again. I’ve been going back and forth with what pieces I want to move forward with and what has just gone cold for me. I may come back to Hell’s Gate, but for now working on this story isn’t something I can put my heart into.
I’m going to rant a little, I hope that is ok friends.
For tl;dr just scroll to bottom. *
I try not to get personal with people in most aspects of my life. Even personal life. People do not respond well to depression because it is awkward. I don’t think it’s something that others do on purpose, it’s that by nature others are non-confrontational. With social media people sort of get tired of hearing depressed people whine.
My next few paragraphs are going to piss people off but I feel like this needs to be said. These are my views and what I have witnessed.
I am so tired of reading posts from other people that go into all this personal crap online about how awful their life has been. Every other day is something else, you know the type─ the type that mentions how they wish their life growing up was like everyone else’s and how horrible their situation is and how they’ve been beaten, and grew up with an emotionally (sometimes physically abusive) father, mother, uncle, wtf ever. And they broadcast it all. the. time. Or something is always going wrong.
Speaking from deepest part of my heart, fuck right off. That’s right. I told you to fuck off. The world is tired of hearing your shit. You want to be taken seriously? Live your life. You got social media accounts you post on often? Make, I don’t know─ a fucking positive post from time to time? Stop airing your grievances on anyone and everyone that you can. Post depressing shit when you actually need help. When you really need others to pay attention because you are in a bad place.
We can only sympathize so much. At a certain point we all will start avoiding you and your pity party. And you know what you’ll do? Cry over no one listening to you and that you have no friends. No shit.
Which to get to my next point of frustration: people like you cause other people to not take depression seriously. Or worse, get annoyed by it and file depression under whiny baby.
The absolute worst part about these individuals? They aren’t what you would file into clinically depressed. They may believe themselves depressed but you know what they really are? Sociopaths. Many sociopaths will research on symptoms of depression, go to groups, fabricate lies even they start to believe. They twist everything to seem like it was way worse than it really was. They’re the type that read through symptoms and go, ‘oh my god, I was abused, holy shit I have an abusive spouse, damn, my work place is so toxic.’ No, Karen. YOU are toxic─ Not everyone else around you that existed and disagrees with you from time to time.
Go on any board or help group that involves suicide. Ask suicide helpline workers: Trauma boards, survivor groups, the list goes on. It’s not exclusive to suicide help. These people get off on attention. It’s called playing the victim and it is very real. While some of their symptoms can stem from past trauma and abuse, they use it as a crutch and excuse for everything in their life.
They don’t even realize that is what they are. So they will argue forever, making you feel bad for questioning what they are going through what they’ve been through. How could you, a normie, understand their life? It’s a shitty excuse for everything in their lives. Horrible to their current partner, spouse? They didn’t know any better, they were abused and hurt by so many people in the past so they don’t know ‘how’ to trust anyone anymore. These types especially tend to avoid any definitive answer you confront them over. They also tend to string people along emotionally and make others believe they are crazy for accusing them of doing things. (like cheating.)You start a sentence around them that involves your life? They turn it around to make themselves the center of attention.
Stay with me here, I know I am ranting but it’s not without purpose.
Am I a callous asshole toward the downtrodden? Hell no. I know what real depression looks like. I live it. Do people cope with depression in different ways? Uh. Yeah, I’m not a damn idiot that thinks people react the same fucking way. Are other people reluctant to believe that actual depression exists and don’t take others ailments seriously? Abso-fucking-lutely. Because we are creatures that connect physical injuries to take priority over non visible ones, it’s glossed over in people’s minds as something that isn’t really life threatening.
It’s based off on archaic belief system courtesy of post war attitudes from parents that saw a lot of hardships and didn’t have the luxury of focusing on what wasn’t life threatening. Depression existed, but it wasn’t recognized as something that couldn’t be fixed─ eventually, the person would snap out of it and get better. That generation truly believes that the people suffering can just pull themselves out of the shit they love to roll in and can get better.
Hey, you know what else? Getting to be out in the open about depression and your struggles and so on and so forth─ wonderful, please do that. I encourage you to. If you need help, please reach out because people in your life do care. I’m talking about you realizing that what you are doing is not working and you need help. I would love to help that person in my life.
I’m talking about emotional vampiric assholes. You, you alone can piss off. Grow up.
While I’m not saying everyone is quietly depressed, there just seems to be a strong correlation between the two. By quietly depressed, I mean people that have become experts at hiding all those thoughts, feelings, and actions. A lot of times, you would never know that they even are depressed. Because we don’t want to be seen as burdens. Even we think we are burdens. I choose not to dump things off on others because it’s not their problem how I feel.
Speaking for myself here─ I have gotten to a point that I can accept where I am at emotionally. Mommy issues over here, what what~
But that’s my point. I recognize what’s going on in my upstairs mix up. I realize that seclusion isn’t necessarily bad all the time, but can be if you do it a lot. Which I do, a lot. It is exhausting to exist, let alone have people there to complicate life.
Because of this, I have just about completely withdrawn from every form of social media and people. I have angered more than one person and even had someone unload on me because I hadn’t responded to messages and blocked many people online. I make no excuses, they are right. There is a method to that madness when you are depressed. By angering people, or becoming absent in their life it is easy for them to forget about you. It means if something happens to you, they won’t miss you. One less person in the world to upset. If you think about it from that perspective someone may get upset for a while, but they aren’t going to try forever.
I took a break from, well, everything. I just can’t bring myself to care recently. I have found little to no joy in living day-to-day and busy myself with cooking, gaming, painting, sewing, and writing quietly in the mornings. When I think about reaching out I find myself realizing that ain’t no one got time for my shit.
It’s the same about posting pictures of myself because I have to question why I would post pictures of myself. The obvious conclusion is that I would do that for attention and no other reason. I could air my own grievances (which I have on this blog) but also realize, who cares? Why? If you’re reading my blogs or stories, you’re either bored or occasionally enjoy them. Let’s be honest here, I am not a known author. Rationally, that includes the lack of fucks people give. I can’t push myself to ‘throw myself out there’ on social media and find it exceedingly annoying and stressful to do that.
I quite enjoy the idea of quietly writing my stories without the expectations of the trade. Posting on communities to receive feedback and improving my writing is one thing, but trying so hard to get noticed is just not something that sounds appealing to me. There is no money, only the joys of writing and entertaining others. 🙂 Making money be damned, fuck it─ I accept that there will be no money in what I do.
That’s enough for me.
I’ve been down, started writing again and will post more things soon.