Gallery

Why I’m no longer on Twitch and other updates

So, most of you by now have realized that I am no longer on Twitch. I started off Tuesday – Sunday 8 hours a day, then that switched to 6 hours a day until ultimately I stopped streaming. It wasn’t something that came easy, I was conflicted over it for a while.

Until the first week went by.

And then the second, and third.

I was noticing significant changes in my life. For the 8 months I streamed, I never really realized how much it affected me. I was becoming impatient, moody, and constantly irritable.

I’m naturally quiet, having to talk and be entertaining for 6-8 hours a day 6 days a week was insane. I am certainly not built for this silly inane chatter that is apparently entertaining to people.

The only saving grace is the people that visit your channel. The ones that sit and chat with you every day and support you. It becomes a lovely comfort to the savage, undercutting behavior that is other streamers. I mean every word of that, and I will have the grace to not mention names of said individuals out of respect for their profession. Yes, even the nice ones. They are businessmen/women and you are a tool for them to use to inflate their own numbers.

This, also depressed me. Realizing the artificial nature of people’s seemingly ‘nice’ behavior.

The biggest issue for me was I felt that I was underutilizing my brain. Sitting there for hours on end, not learning anything or accomplishing anything and having people give me money for sitting there, talking to a computer screen.  Granted, there are people watching─ but not really. This depressed me further still. I was background noise to someone at work. This is how Twitch and live shows work. But, the fact that it’s background noise wasn’t a huge issue at the same time that it was. I realized I am broadcasting during someone’s workday, it’s to be expected.

Then there was the inevitable issue with me being female. (I know, I sighed openly too. I hate typing that sort of shit) It’s the same struggle that I have to deal with as a creator and writer. People would come into my channel and want to chat, but they didn’t ask me questions about the game, or game mechanics─ they asked me over-simplified questions about how I was enjoying it. Even when I went into detail about guns, elements, trap designs, game mechanics─ I wasn’t engaged until I was being a stupid person making dumb comments about random shit. Which again, in a nutshell, is what people want on Twitch. Average viewer age on my channel was somewhere between 12 – 23 until after 6 p.m. Again, normal but awful, and something I didn’t enjoy.

I’m a researcher, a writer, and a scientist. I don’t want to be viewed as some cam girl begging for money to play video games. Because, let’s be honest, that’s what 90% of the damn women do in that community.

I left for quite some time to get my head straight. This wasn’t what I wanted to do. I enjoyed writing, researching, creating shows and podcasts and audiobooks. I love games, but it’s a sacred time for me. A time to relax and really enjoy the game. Doing this every day was just leaving a bitter taste in my mouth to the entire thing. Then, there’s the overwhelming issue of everything you are expected to do as a streamer. It. was. ridiculous. and I constantly felt overwhelmed. I had so much to do each day before I streamed, constant things I had to read about the community, OBS, video editing, bots on bots on bots, use THIS music, no no use THAT music program, it’s better. Constant bickering and fighting in my channel, several unwanted comments, and private messages─ It was a mess.

And I will never, ever, go back to that again.

What I will go back to, is doing the things that make me excited and happy to be alive. No matter who or what is watching. I love to write, I love learning, and mostly─ I like doing it on my own time.

What you will see is my YouTube channel flourish with specials, new audio stories, books, short stories, and podcasts. I’m not gone, I’m just in a happier place.

(p.s. Vengeance is 3/5 completed, you’ll have the ending soon! Oh, and a collection of short stories available on Amazon soon. :3)

─ Grey ❤

 

Gallery

Patreon Perks, Updates, and Company Building

Hello all! We are already in March (holy hell!) And I am working toward finishing the last part of Vengeance (my latest audiobook) You can find the others here.

My past audiobooks are completely free so that all of you can sample my work. However, starting this year I’m going to have to start charging for them as each piece can take upwards of 8-24 hours to make, depending on the sound effects. I wish I could keep releasing them for free, but something has got to give! I’m about to start a section in my Patreon specifically for audiobooks.

I’ll be posting all my podcasts for free as per usual and this next episode we took a vote and decided that my When East Meets West podcast would cover Japanese vs. American horror films. As most of you know, I have a real affinity for the dark side. You’ll find it in all of my writing.  Spring is in the air, which means I love to talk about the supernatural. hehe :3

Podcasts on YouTube

Podcasts on Soundcloud

Hell’s Gate is currently under revision and will have it all released together this year along with an art book. You can get the Kindle edition for free if you have Kindle unlimited. The first book (book 1) that I linked is 100% edited and done. Book 2 needs professional edits as I later discovered. Since I have a day job that I am currently only working part-time, I would like to finish this earlier than later so that I may continue to get more work out to all of you.

If you like my style and want more even if it’s just a dollar a month it helps! And, you’ll get it before anyone else. 

I just recently opened up a story that will be included with Hell’s Gate and it’s a companion to the Hell’s Gate Series. The story of the Weaver and the Cowherd. You can see samples of it on my Patreon here. 

Big things coming this year, as I further develop the company. Including our stream mini-series work (details to come later after we plan it all out) and of course more audiobooks, podcasts, and novels.

I’m only one person, and soon there will be more helpers but for now, it’s all me. That’s where all of you come in to help me in a big way.

With these funds, I can provide more content and have to do less of the backend work myself. For example, I currently do all of the social media, graphic design, illustration, marketing, on top of all of the content and writing/directing.

I don’t mind the work, but it is seriously dragging down my release dates. Thankfully, I am employing a few people this year that can help and getting our business proposal underway. I would love to finish out both Hell’s Gate and get my Sci-Fi novel released this year as well.

I don’t often like to post this because it seems like everyone is doing this that is an artist. With good reason, but it can get a little overwhelming for people to decide who to support. That’s why I offer so much of my work for free so that you can get a feel for my style, and hear the quality for yourself.

All that being said, thank you for taking the time to read this and hear me out. Any and all support goes directly to me and building my stories, illustrations, and writing to all of you. Thank you to all of my fellow supporters, artists, and a big hug to all the other struggling artists out there.

Take care and happy St. Patrick’s Day to all of you.