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Vengeance Part 2 – An Action Adventure

Audiobook version

(NSFW!)

Part three is coming next week!

I stand inches from the yellow line, my arms to the side with my eyes pressed shut. The blending of music, voices, and people around me slowly filter out as I concentrate. The cool air gently tosses my hair to the side and the wind caresses my neck. It is the only thing I keep exposed for the air to reach. The familiar rumble echoes and the wind drives itself forward. I breathe in as the rush of wind slaps my face. A fraction of a second passes and I feel the large body of the train scream past. I thrust open my eyes as the blurs of images flood my vision little flashes of the people sitting inside on the train. I can catch people throwing glances here and there on the platform, hesitant to get near me but I stare forward and keep to myself. The screech erupts and the train comes to a halt. Two years. It had been an entire two years since I left the burning remains of my life behind. The crumpled paper stays in my wallet with the neatly typed address. I have not forgotten what I need to do I rode to our home a while ago just to make sure it had been real. Every bit of it was, only now there was a new family living in our home. The scar, one of the few reminders of our growing child, has almost completely disappeared. All that’s left of it is a thread-sized mark across my gut. The doors open to the train, and I step on and sit in the seat closest to the doors.

A man coughs a few seats down and I glance over. I have seen him a handful of times over the last few months always on the J, always at the Broadway junction. It seems like it has been getting more frequent lately. He is an odd sort keeps to himself. I follow him from time to time to make sure he is no one to be concerned over. He is two blocks east of me and lives above a local coffee shop off Bedford. He’s tall, attractive, around his early thirties with dark hair. I never trust anyone and I don’t keep friends. It was my one rule. But over the past several months, I feel as if we share a life. It is sick way to think, but I find myself drawn to him. Each day, he goes through the routine of running before 6 a.m. I follow, but carefully so he does not notice me. I guess I use him as a testament to my own shadowing skills. That isn’t true, and I know it, but it’s what I’m comfortable admitting to myself. On Wednesday nights he volunteers with kids to teach them hockey, and on Thursdays, he plays with a small team himself. He is a simple man, I like that. Always walks to the local bars on Friday or Saturday, and the movies on Sunday. Somehow I feel comfortable watching someone else live normally. A guilty pleasure I really shouldn’t take time out of my training to do.

My apartment isn’t much. It’s a small loft on the west side of Brooklyn, but I keep it clean. Workouts are every single day. I do cardio and core daily, no excuses, and weight training four times a week alternating legs and arms. Three of those days are dedicated to Krav Maga and Jiu-jitsu. It is not cheap. However, money is of no concern. I am taken care of by the Demon’s contract. But appearances are important, so I work at the corner store a few times a week. The owner hired me based off of looks that much I knew. It’s simple. I tell him I moved here after my family died. I didn’t tell him how, or why. But Don doesn’t care, as long as I get the work done and I don’t complain about the pay it’s a perfect employee and employer understanding.

At first, I wasn’t sure how it all worked. How was I going to get my revenge if I didn’t have the slightest clue on how to defend myself? How would I survive? Sure, there was life insurance from Tristan but I couldn’t take that. The second I did, they would all know where I am. I’m not an idiot, and quite sure they kept tabs on me when I was in the hospital. Now that I went missing, I’m sure Ty ramped up his security. Of course, that had happened almost two years ago. My hope is that Ty has assumed I fled for my life. I’m hoping that his arrogance will blind him to my arrival. I slip my hand beneath my coat and finger the gun. I have to go through a great deal to keep them hidden, my frame is lithe.

Marcy Avenue,” the conductor says briefly. Startled I look up, not realizing I have already gone through eight stops. I stand as the train jerked hard to a full stop, noticing a few people stumble that isn’t holding on well. I crack a smile, remembering that’s how it was the first few times for me before I got a feel for them. It disappears when I notice that the guy has drawn his attention to me. He isn’t hiding the fact that he’s staring. The doors open on our stop and he stands. I quickly step out onto the platform.

Hey.” I pretend I don’t hear him as I hurry through the door that leads out onto the street. I get all the way to the light when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Shit. I spin around and look up at him. He’s a tall fucker. I guess I never realized it staying at more of a distance. He’s at least 6’3” probably closer to 6’4”. I bristle, waiting for the inevitable questions and glancing around to see my escape options. I should have bolted.

Hey, hold up. You in some kind of a rush?” Ok. Well, didn’t expect that one. Not, ‘why are you following me? Or─ ‘why are you being a weirdo?’ His voice is nice, pleasant. He is obviously native to New York, but it isn’t a thick accent.

I feign surprise and raise my voice an octave. “I’m sorry?” I say. He releases his grip from my shoulder immediately and brings it up to behind his head. He almost looks embarrassed. I relax a little, seeing that his demeanor has changed. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking at the ground. “Didn’t mean to grab you like that. You dropped your wallet.” I look down at the thin black leather in his hand and reach my hand out. “Oh, thanks. It must have fallen out of my pocket.” He hands it to me and I turn to leave. “Near the corner store, right?” I turn toward him. “What?” I ask. “You live about three blocks west of the Jewish community.” I level my gaze and keep my voice pleasant. “Yeah, you nearby?” He seems really awkward but sure of himself at the same time. My initial assessment wasn’t far off. “Yeah, seen you around. You work at the corner store, yeah? I walk over there a few times a week with the guys.” I know, I think to myself, I’ve seen you and thought I hid well. He must have caught me on a night off walking home.

Damn it, I’m slipping. “Oh, yeah, yeah” I chuckle nervously to sound relieved, “yeah, I moved here not that long ago. Still getting used to everything.” His eyes are soft, a nice brown. His shoulders are finally relaxing. I must have set him on edge earlier when I spun around. My eyes quickly flick to his pants and shirt, nothing hidden doesn’t seem to be a threat. “Hey, you you take care of yourself out here. It’s no place for a lady to walk alone at night.” My mouth involuntarily twitches upward into a half smile. If only you knew how backward that is. I’m who other people have to worry about. But, some time ago he would have been dead-on. “I’m alright,” I offer, “it’s a quiet place, nicer than some places I’ve lived.” His head cocks a little and he smiles, “yeah, it’s a step up for me too. You got someone to walk you home?” I knew what he was asking. It was a way to ask if I was seeing anyone. Don’t do it, moron. You can’t get involved. “No, just me.” Shit. What the hell was that? Why did I just say that? And then I felt it. Don’t you fucking “You?” and I say it. I just asked it. He laughs. “Walk me home? Ha. Not since I was a kid. I can take care of myself.” No, you can’t, I think, no one can. Especially from people like Ty or Daemon.

I suddenly feel incredibly guilty. What is this? Your family dies two years ago and you’re already looking at some guy? I explore my feelings. And realize something. I can’t feel it. I can’t even hardly remember my boy’s face. I’m starting to panic. Blonde, his hair was blonde. Tristan, my husband, his eyes were brown. Yes. Brown like this man. Soft and hardened at the same time. Hardened from years of war in Afghanistan. He’d only been out for a few years. Our child was hung after beaten to death from our porch. The porch that our families built. And my belly holds the faint scars of my unborn son. I feel the switch instantly. Harden the fuck up this isn’t why you’re here. He senses the shift and inclines his head, “hey, you good?” I glance up at him and nod, “yeah, I’m good. You take care of yourself.” I don’t give him a chance to respond before heading down the south alley that will take me directly to my place.

I kick myself mentally. That was fucking stupid. Why did I talk to him? I don’t know shit about that asshole. He could be part of it for all I know. I relent as I take a right down toward the west side. I needed to make a stop. You’ve been watching him for months, there’s no way he’s with them. Or maybe that’s what he was put here for. Who the fuck notices me? I always keep to myself, was damn good at it. It was amazing how much I’d changed in just two years. I would have never thought this way or spoke half as crude, but funny thing death changes people. I wasn’t even sure that I was completely alive, it’s not like I needed air to breathe. It got me curious, I often wonder if I even bleed anymore. I should check that out at some point. I make a note to myself to stop being a moron and steer clear of whoever this new guy is. Time doesn’t matter. Your life ended at gunpoint two years ago, and those same pieces of shit practically ran half of the country. Where was their payment for their crimes where was my justice? I don’t give a shit how pointless it is or what it mattered, but somehow I would win. After all, I’m the one with unlimited time on my side.

– –

Shit. 20 feet. I dodge him and duck into the corner as I watch him look around the train. I was going to be late for my shift, but I can’t chance another interaction with him. He has some sort of weird effect on me and I can’t have that. I sigh as I watch the train pull away and casually walk over to a bench. I’ll just park my ass here until the 7:10 shows. I’ll need to stay near, but not too close. I aimed to find out more about my gentleman caller before making a real choice. Whoa. Choice? A choice about what, exactly? I jumped on the eastbound train toward Brooklyn, trying to shake the thoughts. Forget about the John, Viv. He’s just some rando. Yeah, but a damn good looking one. When was the last time you let a man touch you? Damn it brain whose side are you on, anyway? Jesus, I fight and gain traction, maybe hobo Frank could tell me more about Lily. I’d just visited this morning to check in on Lily, see how she was doing. All was good, thank god. F was one of the few people I felt I could trust. I’d followed him for weeks, several days a week. His routine was always the same, wake up from the alley, work some labor jobs and then head ‘home’. He was old, maybe in his late sixties with a limp. I never saw any track marks, but I did see him drink a little too much for his own good. His liver was probably shot. Then again, he didn’t have much else going on. I don’t blame him. My moving here isn’t entirely a retreat. I have my motives. I was told that I could never talk to anyone that knew me, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t check in from time to time and see how she is doing. Lily had moved here after my ‘death’ and her final graduation. A doctorate. God, I am so proud of her. She never stops moving. Needless to say Frank was more than happy to offer his help when I offered him a working man’s salary to keep tabs on her. Maybe both our luck would change for once, poor bastard. I switch over to the other train, keeping my head down. No sense in drawing any more attention from people, it was best this way.

The subway was busier than usual today normally it died down after 9:30. I hear mumbling and catch a more interesting bit from two guys, “you hear about the company this morning?” His voice was higher pitched and slightly grating in a nasally way. His friend looks over at him, his voice is rich and low with a thick northeastern accent, “What, the new CEO?” the other one chimes in, overlapping “yeah, yeah that but about how he got it?” I keep a casual pace behind them, listening in. “What about it? So, Ty took over, and China has cheap goods, what else is new?” Nasally guy sighs, “yeah, that part but they just released it online less than a few minutes ago.” Rumbles sounds indignant, “well, you going to keep me on pins and needles or what?” Nasally chuckles and leans in, “word is that Daemon was offed.” I struggle to steady my breathing and try and keep my casual pace. The two stop in front of me and I slow my steps as I walk past to sit on the bench. Rumbles lowers his voice, I have to strain but make it out, “yeah? Means there’ll be a spot open” he says. His meaty head is working. I can hear the greed from ten feet away. Nasally sounds guarded, “Well, yeah I guess. But, it will go to whoever’s next in line. You know that.” Rumbles doesn’t bother to hide his next sentence and I get up as I see my train arriving, “Seems things might be changing. Who knows?” I grab my phone pose, and pretend to take a few selfies. Then quickly run to the train before it takes off.

Hopefully, I managed at least one face shot before leaving. I couldn’t believe my luck. Ty’s guys, right here. Then my heart drops. If they are here, does Ty know? Shit, shit, shit. Ok, calm down. Maybe it was just a coincidence. He couldn’t possibly know where I am. I wasn’t on social media at all. I didn’t even allow Don to snap pics of me at work. Could they possibly know where I am? Then my mind shoots to Lily. Could Ty finally be making good on his promise? The first six months had been hell, constantly watching her or paying hobo Frank to snap photos and send them to me. I chuckle to myself. I really should call him something else, he’s since gotten himself a decent apartment and a cat. Guy had really turned himself around and started painting real beautiful stuff, mostly portraits or cityscapes. Still drank too much, but hell at least he had a roof over his head. After a year I started thinking Ty just mentioned Lily to mess with me. Even now, two years later I still call or have F go by her place a few times a month to check on her. I need to find Ty, this was my chance. I go through my phone’s gallery, my hands are shaking and so cold the touch screen is delayed in reacting but I finally get it to open. The first picture is nothing but blurry and a disappointment, I panic as I flip to the next and it’s just a picture of me and the ceiling. Great shot of your nose hairs, dip shit. I hope to hell that I was able to at least get one, just one even if it was blurry. The next one is me smiling and a person walking behind me, shielding the two. I’m flipping through furiously, hoping that the quick snap function had taken more than I anticipated. Thank god for shortcuts. I’m about to give up and then freeze. There. There they are. I tap the screen and zoom in on their faces. They were exactly like their voices sounded. Rumbles is broad and heavy set. His eyes are hard to make out, but even from the photo, I can see that they are a smidge too close together. His nose was broad and crooked it had definitely been broken before. I close my eyes, trying to recall everything in the limited time that I had. What was that smell? Her grandfather had worn the same scent, my eyes flash open. Drakkar. I’d know it anywhere. That was rare is it still being sold these days? It wasn’t just Drakkar it was something else. Something very familiar. And then it came to me. I didn’t want it to, because along with it came hurt. Gunpowder. Not just gunpowder, but the stench of flesh and gunpowder. Rumbles had killed someone that morning. I was up close and personal with that scent, twice. How had the nasally guy not smelled it? Maybe this was another one of my abilities, I reason. It could be possible, after all, it’s not like I’m completely aware of everything that I can do. Focus, girl. What else? My eyes flick over to nasally. He’s taller than rumbles, by at least a foot. He’s thin but solid. He’d be handsome if it weren’t for his odd weak chin and slightly too large nose. Still, he had an odd sense of charm about him. I have a feeling nasally doesn’t struggle with the ladies. I squint as the picture starts to blur at my zooming in. It’s hard to tell what color his eyes are, but they look dark. Possibly brown. Both were fair skinned, but rumbles was a little more on the ruddy skin tone and flushed. Nasally looked more olive and smooth. I save the picture and delete the rest. I smile as the train grinds to a halt a lead, a real, solid lead. This was more than I hoped for, it was proof that not only was Ty still around, he was close.

– – –

“You’re late,” Don complains. I wince and look up at him. “I know, Don, I’m sorry. Missed the train this morning and had to catch the 7:10.” He grunts and points to the back, “yeah, whatever just go get your apron.” I sigh and hurry to the back. I was shocked that he didn’t ask why I was even on the train. I lived less than a few blocks away. “You’re a good girl, never late. Just, don’t let it happen again, eh?” he calls back to me. “Why are you still here?” I yell, “go home to Bev, she’ll be worried.” I can hear his smile as I pull the apron over my head. “Ha. You’re right about that. Got hell to pay when I get home, haven’t gotten a single call or text in hours. Not like her,” he pauses, “unless she’s angry.” My smile drops and I walk out to join him behind the register. “Hey, you should call her,” I say. He shakes his head and laughs, “nothing to worry about. That’s just Bev, ya know? Best I just come home and explain what happened.” I smile and chuckle nervously. “Alright,” I say. He grabs his keys and heads for the door. Something doesn’t feel right. “Don.” He pauses and looks over at me, “Yeah?” “It’s probably nothing, but, just let me know you made it and everything’s alright with Bev.” He shakes his head, “You women, you all worry too much.” He sighs and waves his hands when I scowl at him. “Alright, alright. Che-zus, between you and the old lady I feel like I’m on prison watch.” I smile as he mutters to himself and walks outside. I look up when the doorbell goes off again. “Oh, and Cheryl?” I winced inwardly at the fake name. I really hated deceiving the old man but had to do what was needed. Vivian wasn’t as common as it used to be, was kind of old school. “Yeah?” I ask. “Feel free to eat whatever you want. You’re looking a little thin.” He walks out and then leans back in again, the door held open by his food. “Oh and uh, if no one comes in after ten, just shut down.” I grin and shoo him out, “Yes, yes. Now go! I’ve kept you long enough.” He grunts and walks out. I’m really getting fond of that old coot. I look at my reflection from the mirror behind the register. It’s pretty skewed, but even from this angle, I can tell I’ve lost weight. When was the last time I had eaten? I guess even the dead need food.

– –

I frown as I turn the key, and then jiggle the door to make sure it is secure. I pull out my phone and stare at the empty screen. Not a word from Don all day. Maybe I should run by his place, make sure he’s alright. The trains wouldn’t be running this late, I’d have to Uber or get a taxi. I start to open my app when a police cruiser pulls up to the sidewalk. I look up as he rolls down his window. “You Cheryl?” I nod my head, “Yes sir. What’s going on?” The cop kills the engine and opens his door. He’s tall, it takes him a second to get out. I take the opportunity and glance up and down the street. Not a soul in sight. Could this be one of Ty’s men? I tense, preparing for the worst. He leans on his car and looks at me. “Kind of late to be closing up shop, isn’t it?” I smile and walk toward the car, “Actually, it’s early. Don likes to keep the place open for a few─” I freeze mid-sentence. It’s him. Of all the stupid why had I not followed him to work? You goddamn moron. I’m hung on that last sentence, staring across at this familiar stranger. He smiles and scratches the back of his head. It is the same awkward motion I saw the other morning. “Hey,” he says shyly, “sorry to catch you at a weird time. I, uh, I was actually patrolling the area when dispatch called to come talk with you.” I didn’t buy it, not completely. Was this a trick? Somehow a way for Ty to make me think this guy is my friend? Maybe they have found me out. Shit. I try not to show my panic as I hedge closer to the building. “Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey,” I say and laugh, “sorry, hard to see in this light.” He smiles and looks up and down the street. “Hey, uh, sorry to come at you with this but we got a call today from Don’s wife, Beverly. You know her?” “Yeah, Bev? I’ve known her for almost two years now. What’s this about?” I ask. He can’t seem to meet my eyes, and I know. The worst is coming. “Don didn’t make it home today.” The keys drop from my hand. My hands shoot up to my face and over my mouth. I’m thankful for the dark. He would think it odd that I am unable to shed a tear. A side effect of being dead, I have gathered. He hesitates and then continues, “Listen, Bev’s in a bad state. The only reason I’m here is she can’t tell you herself.” My head shakes back and forth. It’s odd pretending to be so upset. After my death, I’m not able to feel as strongly as I used to. It isn’t entirely faked, Don was a real stand-up guy and Bev was one of the sweetest women that I knew. I cringe, realizing that I’m already thinking of them in the past tense.

Despite their ten year age difference, the two of them seemed exactly the same age and always so giving never asking too many questions. I’m going to miss them both. I know the truth, neither one of them will make it.

It’s a sobering moment. There was more than likely only one reason why they were attacked. Ty’s men were very thorough. Question is who told them? The guys from the train hell, maybe even this guy. Not like I knew everything about him. Stupid girl, letting your emotions blind you. I stare at him openly as I pretend to take deep breaths. Finally, I ask, “Where’s Bev? Anyone there for her right now?” He stares back, his eyes trailing down to my lips. He’s not portraying the typical movements of someone like Ty, he almost looks oh shit. He finds me attractive right now. Especially since I’m vulnerable, I know that look anywhere. It was the same look Tristan gave me on our third date. I’d fallen down in the ice rink and managed to bust open my lip. He had helped me through the whole thing, even asked the guys for the first aid kit. The soft browns that looked at me as they patched me up, were the exact same as the ones looking at me now. Honest concerned. This man is not one of his lackey’s. I could sense it, almost like a human lie detector. It was something that I picked up after I died. He isn’t sweating or twitching, and there are no overly-controlled movements. He clears his throat, “uh, Bev is at Saint Luke’s.” “Saint Luke’s? But Bev and Don live in─” “Brooklyn, yeah I know,” he says, “Bev was out shopping in Manhattan this morning.” That doesn’t seem like her at all, especially on Don’s salary. Bev was always extremely cautious with their money, especially since they were a few years away from retiring. Now I know something’s wrong.

He notices I’m thinking. “You know, I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something different about you.” I look up at him, his statement catching me off-guard. I don’t answer for a while, instead turning my gaze to the sidewalk behind him. The street is still oddly quiet, even for a weekday. Maybe the world knew something that I didn’t, some unknown force keeping people locked up in their homes safe and warm. I look back at him and smile, “you think you can give me a ride to Saint Luke’s?” He mirrors my smile and walks over to open the door, “Yeah sure, my shift ended an hour ago. I’ll call it in.”

– – –

You want some coffee?” he asks as we sit waiting. The drive hadn’t been too bad, we’d mostly talked about how funny Don was, or how doting Bev could be. I knew that a lot of regulars came into the store, but I never realized how many people knew them. I didn’t call out the cop on his discrepancy earlier. He mentioned his shift was up, but that dispatch had called him in. So, he’d done it on his time off. There was definitely more to this. “No, I’m good. Thanks, Logan.” I say as he gets up. I’d only just learned his name─ it was a bit awkward saying it. I hated to admit this but it felt good talking to someone about anything. Intensive care─ I knew that it would be bad. I’m honestly surprised that Bev is still alive. Not Ty’s usual MO.

In other news, NC Global said goodbye to a long-time partner today. Founder and CEO Robert Daemon, who was tragically murdered last week in his summer home in Malibu, was finally laid to rest this morning next to his father in Sacred Heart. There are no confirmations on who will be taking his place, as this is an emotional time for everyone that knew Robert and worked alongside him.

The screen switches to people talking about how giving Daemon was, and a few statements from the police. I’m about to look away when he appears on the screen. I stand, walking over to the screen. That same goddamned sneer is stuck on his face. Most people looking at him would have seen someone that sounded sincere and professional, profusely vomiting up lies like it was the truth. I feel my body shudder and burn hot with rage. I’m instantly back at the construction site and he’s hovering over me placing my hair in his mouth and swirling it like a fine wine, the gun pressed to my skull, my entire life over in seconds and the piece of shit had the nerve to just go on living. How many men have you murdered? How many lives have you destroyed? I grab the screen, my fingers digging in and bending the metal on the sides. I hear a few gasps and freeze as a pair of hands wrap my body from behind.

Whoa, whoa. Cheryl, what the hell is going on?” I relax at the voice, it’s Logan. The metal crunches as I let it go and turn toward the waiting area. The entire room is silent as it stares at me. Even the children have quieted. I have to get out and before I know what’s happening, my feet have found the pavement outside and I’m running at full speed.

Shit.

What did I do? What did I fucking do? My mind is racing faster than my legs as I jet east toward the Brooklyn Bridge. Why did I go to visit her? If it is Ty, they would have planted someone there after all this time, all of my hard work and training gone in seconds. Think, I scream at myself, was there any familiar face? My mind goes back to the flash of people’s faces staring wide-eyed at me. Look for something anything. I cross the bridge and turn slightly more South and then East on Fulton. I focus all my energy trying to remember any one person looking different in the emergency room. On the right, there was a family a young girl with her brother next to the toy station, their mother and grandparents all surprised. The middle, there is a teenage girl, her face busted up, her phone dropping to the ground, in the back I remember an elderly woman, a napkin wrapped over her mouth that’s been stained with a dark liquid, probably coffee. No, I yell internally, not it. Then my mind dredges up what I’ve feared the most. There he is Nasally. He’s staring at me, not with surprise but curiosity. He is wearing a jacket, his dark hair matted on one side with blood, his fingers clasped around a phone that he’s holding up. I halt as I finally turn down Bedford and reach the corner store. He was filming me. It is over, Ty knows.

 

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Why I’m no longer on Twitch and other updates

So, most of you by now have realized that I am no longer on Twitch. I started off Tuesday – Sunday 8 hours a day, then that switched to 6 hours a day until ultimately I stopped streaming. It wasn’t something that came easy, I was conflicted over it for a while.

Until the first week went by.

And then the second, and third.

I was noticing significant changes in my life. For the 8 months I streamed, I never really realized how much it affected me. I was becoming impatient, moody, and constantly irritable.

I’m naturally quiet, having to talk and be entertaining for 6-8 hours a day 6 days a week was insane. I am certainly not built for this silly inane chatter that is apparently entertaining to people.

The only saving grace is the people that visit your channel. The ones that sit and chat with you every day and support you. It becomes a lovely comfort to the savage, undercutting behavior that is other streamers. I mean every word of that, and I will have the grace to not mention names of said individuals out of respect for their profession. Yes, even the nice ones. They are businessmen/women and you are a tool for them to use to inflate their own numbers.

This, also depressed me. Realizing the artificial nature of people’s seemingly ‘nice’ behavior.

The biggest issue for me was I felt that I was underutilizing my brain. Sitting there for hours on end, not learning anything or accomplishing anything and having people give me money for sitting there, talking to a computer screen.  Granted, there are people watching─ but not really. This depressed me further still. I was background noise to someone at work. This is how Twitch and live shows work. But, the fact that it’s background noise wasn’t a huge issue at the same time that it was. I realized I am broadcasting during someone’s workday, it’s to be expected.

Then there was the inevitable issue with me being female. (I know, I sighed openly too. I hate typing that sort of shit) It’s the same struggle that I have to deal with as a creator and writer. People would come into my channel and want to chat, but they didn’t ask me questions about the game, or game mechanics─ they asked me over-simplified questions about how I was enjoying it. Even when I went into detail about guns, elements, trap designs, game mechanics─ I wasn’t engaged until I was being a stupid person making dumb comments about random shit. Which again, in a nutshell, is what people want on Twitch. Average viewer age on my channel was somewhere between 12 – 23 until after 6 p.m. Again, normal but awful, and something I didn’t enjoy.

I’m a researcher, a writer, and a scientist. I don’t want to be viewed as some cam girl begging for money to play video games. Because, let’s be honest, that’s what 90% of the damn women do in that community.

I left for quite some time to get my head straight. This wasn’t what I wanted to do. I enjoyed writing, researching, creating shows and podcasts and audiobooks. I love games, but it’s a sacred time for me. A time to relax and really enjoy the game. Doing this every day was just leaving a bitter taste in my mouth to the entire thing. Then, there’s the overwhelming issue of everything you are expected to do as a streamer. It. was. ridiculous. and I constantly felt overwhelmed. I had so much to do each day before I streamed, constant things I had to read about the community, OBS, video editing, bots on bots on bots, use THIS music, no no use THAT music program, it’s better. Constant bickering and fighting in my channel, several unwanted comments, and private messages─ It was a mess.

And I will never, ever, go back to that again.

What I will go back to, is doing the things that make me excited and happy to be alive. No matter who or what is watching. I love to write, I love learning, and mostly─ I like doing it on my own time.

What you will see is my YouTube channel flourish with specials, new audio stories, books, short stories, and podcasts. I’m not gone, I’m just in a happier place.

(p.s. Vengeance is 3/5 completed, you’ll have the ending soon! Oh, and a collection of short stories available on Amazon soon. :3)

─ Grey ❤

 

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Fortnite Charity Event for St. Judes

Hey Guys! You may be wondering this coming week (June 5th – June 10th)   why I am not streaming more than 1 day. Rest assured my frens, it’s for a good cause. This week, I’ll be participating in A Fortnite to Save the Children a two-week-long event dedicated to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.  This is my first Twitch charity event and I can’t wait to be a part of it. I will be streaming for 12 hours straight from 7:00 a.m. CST – 7 p.m. CST to try and raise funds for this wonderful cause. We will also have viewership games, prizes, and entertainment for all. 

During this week, I will also be supporting other streamers and participating in the event with all of you! So don’t fret, if you notice Grey isn’t on but one day. It’s for a worthy cause, and I’ll be in the channels with all of you. ❤

I’m live every week from 2:00 p.m. – 8 p.m. CST Tuesday – Sunday on Twitch. 

More Fortnite Save the World Tutorials, podcasts, and books coming soon! 

If you’d like to support the channel, you can also find my personal art and works here and here.

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Latest Fortnite Tutorial is Up and Updates!

 

Be sure to subscribe for more videos like these!

 

You can catch me live on Twitch Tuesday – Sunday from 12:00 p.m. – 7 p.m. CST. here. The only change in schedule will happen every other weekend and those days will be added to my calendar under the event’s panels on my page. (they happen from 9:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. instead)

Also in the pipeline is Vengeance part 3 (the conclusion to the first 2. They can be found here.)

So what’s coming next?

Well, my friends, we are going to have a live podcast with all of you about Japanese vs. American urban legends and mythos. You all voted, and I’m delivering. Be prepared for a fun day of spooky and odd stories for our When East Meets West segments this year. You can find previous podcasts here. I typically do a few podcasts a year over the supernatural, East vs. West culture, and mythos. Namely, things that go bump in the night and some odd affairs that none of us think about in our day-to-day lives.

I plan on organizing a live audiobook reading but haven’t gotten all of that ready just yet, so I’ll spare you the details. 😉 Just know I’m planning a few special live events this year.

If you are a writer or a new writer, you may want to check out my Wednesday lunch podcast covering Writer Workshops every Wednesday at 12:00 p.m. – 1:00 p.m. This coming Wednesday is how to become self-published and steps to take to prepare and be a success. If you would rather catch them after the fact, I also place them on YouTube later that day or the following day.

We finally finished The Evil Within 2 and now it’s time to move forward! Next on my list is NieR Automata. I know I’m late to the game, but man I am so hyped about this. I try and dedicate at least one game as an alternative to Fortnite PvE (Save the World). I play this mostly all week (and during my off time, let’s be honest) but I love many different games, especially ones with decent stories) and this one has really caught my eye. I’ll be starting this coming Sunday at 12:00 p.m. CST. Come hang out and let’s play it together.

 

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New Fortnite Tutorial Video Coming

This month is going to be a hectic one (nothing out of the ordinary, right?) but I have two things releasing this month. Vengeance part 3, the finale to the audiobook series and the next Fortnite tutorial!

This time I’ll be covering what characters do what in Fortnite Save the World, and the best types of characters to play to your advantage. If you ever have any questions, I’m live Sunday – Friday from 9 a.m. until 3 p.m. CST on Twitch. Usually, after my lives, I will upload them on my YouTube unless it contains copywritten music. (like my Fortnite gameplay generally does so they don’t get posted.)

My Discord and in-game name has changed over to cagreyson so you’ll be able to find me easier online!

Giveaways

This month I’ll be organizing a giveaway for my Subscribers on Twitch. The winner receives a free copy of Fortnite Save the World (aka PvE)! Details to come soon!

 

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New Streaming Schedule

Hey all! Starting this week, I will be streaming full time. Currently, my writing workshops are Wednesday @ 3:00 p.m. CST.

Every week, Sunday – Friday I will be streaming starting at 9:00 a.m. CST

This means my Wednesdays will be a little different and I will stop an hour before my next stream to prepare our day. We’ll sometimes do specialty streams with cooking, but most of mine will be dedicated to gaming and writing.

If you missed my writing workshops, I always edit them and post them on my youtube. You can also find my game tutorials on there as well! 

My latest one is what to do before checking into publishers:

My audiobooks and podcasts will have a set release day soon so no worries, they will be coming! Have a great weekend everyone.

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Patreon Perks, Updates, and Company Building

Hello all! We are already in March (holy hell!) And I am working toward finishing the last part of Vengeance (my latest audiobook) You can find the others here.

My past audiobooks are completely free so that all of you can sample my work. However, starting this year I’m going to have to start charging for them as each piece can take upwards of 8-24 hours to make, depending on the sound effects. I wish I could keep releasing them for free, but something has got to give! I’m about to start a section in my Patreon specifically for audiobooks.

I’ll be posting all my podcasts for free as per usual and this next episode we took a vote and decided that my When East Meets West podcast would cover Japanese vs. American horror films. As most of you know, I have a real affinity for the dark side. You’ll find it in all of my writing.  Spring is in the air, which means I love to talk about the supernatural. hehe :3

Podcasts on YouTube

Podcasts on Soundcloud

Hell’s Gate is currently under revision and will have it all released together this year along with an art book. You can get the Kindle edition for free if you have Kindle unlimited. The first book (book 1) that I linked is 100% edited and done. Book 2 needs professional edits as I later discovered. Since I have a day job that I am currently only working part-time, I would like to finish this earlier than later so that I may continue to get more work out to all of you.

If you like my style and want more even if it’s just a dollar a month it helps! And, you’ll get it before anyone else. 

I just recently opened up a story that will be included with Hell’s Gate and it’s a companion to the Hell’s Gate Series. The story of the Weaver and the Cowherd. You can see samples of it on my Patreon here. 

Big things coming this year, as I further develop the company. Including our stream mini-series work (details to come later after we plan it all out) and of course more audiobooks, podcasts, and novels.

I’m only one person, and soon there will be more helpers but for now, it’s all me. That’s where all of you come in to help me in a big way.

With these funds, I can provide more content and have to do less of the backend work myself. For example, I currently do all of the social media, graphic design, illustration, marketing, on top of all of the content and writing/directing.

I don’t mind the work, but it is seriously dragging down my release dates. Thankfully, I am employing a few people this year that can help and getting our business proposal underway. I would love to finish out both Hell’s Gate and get my Sci-Fi novel released this year as well.

I don’t often like to post this because it seems like everyone is doing this that is an artist. With good reason, but it can get a little overwhelming for people to decide who to support. That’s why I offer so much of my work for free so that you can get a feel for my style, and hear the quality for yourself.

All that being said, thank you for taking the time to read this and hear me out. Any and all support goes directly to me and building my stories, illustrations, and writing to all of you. Thank you to all of my fellow supporters, artists, and a big hug to all the other struggling artists out there.

Take care and happy St. Patrick’s Day to all of you.