So if you follow me on Twitter, you know that I run mini-campaigns and story arcs (along with my novels and short stories I leave on here.) If you managed to come into this campaign a little late, or just want to enjoy the story─ here it is!
The year is 2060, we’ve discovered that J.R.R Tolkien’s tales were true and that they just existed in another dimension that he stumbled upon as a young man. Their world’s magic is wizards, ours, scientists. But there was a problem when we opened the gates
to the other side. We didn’t realize that by opening one portal, we opened several more allowing the other side to stroll into ours. Dragons have decimated our defenses and burned down several cities, a nuclear reactor has gone critical and caused a super race of Orcs, Trump is now king of Middle-earth, and we are in a gridlocked battle to take back our planet. Humans now have the ability to do magic, but not all of us have great powers─ some are just weird or useless. Science is found to be evil and banned, replaced with spell-books.
Underground there has been a faction of dark elves and humans that have slowly built up defenses. Humans, being new to magic, are seen as second class citizens. Enter you, the leader of the underground race. You are strong, a bit stupid, and vaguely remember science. You have a plan, a good one, to conquer the underground and then, yesss the world. You need to build a team of what you can find that will help with this plan. You are so pleased by this plan, you are so great. You’ll have to remember to pat yourself on the back later. You have to make a few trips this next time but you have saved up enough vacation hours that it is possibly to take a whole two weeks to gather the team. Off we go to get our sexy─I mean badass team of─ something to do the plan. Whatever, we’ll figure it out! Off we go.
You decide on a team of a rogue, fighter, magic, science, cleric, defender. Yes, all of them damn it. You had to have calculated someone in there that will help, and surely they’ll do it for the experience, right? Who needs money! After some time of negotiations, and by negotiations you mean beating them with a club and chaining them together, you have a team─ Willing, or eventually willing, fuck it! And maybe one day you’ll give them weapons too. After they see how seriously awesome you are. After weeks of brainwas- persuasion, they have come to see that we all need to come together and rule these pesky elves. They’re a fairly docile race that believes in ‘talking it out’ instead of fighting. What a bunch of dum-dums. Not a weapon to be found. Now it’s time to decide.
What do we do? Because, well, you’re awesome plan didn’t quite anticipate it being─this easy? Ah, to hell with it! Ah HA yes! Pillage the town. Excellent. The six of us shall set fire to this town and create- terror. So much terror they will be speaking about it for quite. Some. Time. Weeks, maybe even─a month. Ah, I’m going to cry happiness tears. Next, we become castle stormers but now, yes the scientist and the mage make big booms on all the rooftops and the horse’s manes. Their hair is far too lush for my liking. Show offs.
We set their world on fire without too much trouble. It’s easy, and I have become their master. I, am invincible. We have acquired more slav- I mean servants to persuade. Us, and our less-pretty ponies are charging our way to the castle.
This is insane, there’s hardly anyone guarding the castle. At this rate, I’ll have new digs and probably sleeping in a bed fit for, well, me.
We burst through the gates, our torches held high and pause inside. Scattered around are several images of different kings of all ages. There’s peculiar paper hats shaped like crowns, and a cheap looking throne. In front of it is a large, fake stone with a sword in it.
We shuffle our way through and discover a large hall with lots of seats surrounding a dirt arena. They must have used this for some sort of…spectating.It seems the lords of this very odd castle have fled. For now, we will enjoy our- win? And wake to a new day of battle. Our battles, though victorious, have left us feeling less than satisfied at the fact that we haven’t fought much. Are they really battles, I wonder? The dark elves have retreated further into their tunnels and have been replaced by our pale brethren.
Well, never mind. My team has finally trustworthy enough to allow weapons and we have picked up a few miners, converted to fighters, and a bard. He seems obsessed with me and follows me around all day, but I cannot fault him. I am, after all, glorious.
I’m super conflicted, there’s a side of me that really wants to charge up to the surface, or follow the elves further into the tunnel. I can see a number, it’s clear in my mind. 9, yes 9, perfect. We shall storm the surface. Grab your weapons team, WOO YEAH we’re going all out. Epic battle, here we come!
On our steeds we charge, upward to the surface. Our weapons drawn, our voices roaring we plunge into the light.
The sun blinds us as we charge out screaming into the open. We quiet as we look around. Where…are we? There is nothing but sand, dirt, and hills for miles. In the distance there appears to be a city but there are a few hills along the way. There doesn’t seem to be anything else around accept for that one town. The weather feels dry and the sun is beating overhead. We sheath our weapons. What is this nonsense? Just a few years ago this place was crawling with Orcs. When will our battle happen? I growl and stamp my feet.
A horrible screech fills the air and I spin toward the noise. Oh hell yeah. The color drains from the others’ face but I let out a whoop and start beating my sword against my shield. A large, red dragon is diving toward us, its belly filling with flame. “MAGE” I shout behind me. He looks to me his eyebrows raised, “I can’t just pump out a wall spell right away, I need time” he shouts. Precious seconds are ticking by as the dragon blows a wall of flame. It’s screaming toward our team when I yell, “Tuck and roll, princess’s─ he’s coming in hot!” We dive back into the cave as a wall of fire destroys everything in front of us. The mage screams, rolling on the ground and we all quickly help him stamp out the fire (and maybe his fingers too) “Well then,” the mage growls, “I guess some thanks is in order. I’ll prepare my spell now, thanks.” I’m not a 100% sure, but I think I detect a hint of sarcasm in his words. We send a scout outside and when he doesn’t return, we have our answer. Or he’s a big coward mcpoop.
I have another scout crawl over with a sword to catch a glimpse of the angry beast. He knows where we are, and dragons hate anything near their nesting grounds. This one would not budge until we are taken out. The soldier sacrifices his life as I manage to spot just a flash of red to the south. We now know which way he’s coming from. I’m surprised as the mage’s spell surrounds us.
With our mage close, we stay behind the hill but have our archers use a first wave of arrows and the mage ready another spell. The arrows fall harmlessly to the ground and we dive behind the rock as another burst of flame narrowly misses us. The mage’s spell has kept us in one piece and bought us precious time as the dragon goes to loop around. We shift our position behind the other side of the rock and wonder how long this asshole is going to be able to produce fire. Surely, he must be tiring. “Um…sir?” I turn back and look at the squeaky sounding voice. It belongs to a young man, a farmer boy I suspect. “Maybe we could try freezing the beast or aim for his belly.” After I stare at him for several seconds he adds, “that’s uh…their weak spot?” I clap him hard on the shoulder, “good man─” that is very useful information.” I grin and look at the others, “alright guys, you heard what he said, aim for the belly!” There’s a few hearty laughs and they nod. We aim dead center as the creature fills its belly once more, with a yell, we give her all we’ve got.
In a combined effort, the ice and arrows do the trick and the beast dives for the earth. He hits the ground, stunned but still alive. “Ah, shit.” I mutter as the beast shakes it’s head, trying to get up.
The mage struggles to keep up as I charge toward the fallen beast. He tries to push himself up, but I manage to clamber up his neck and saddle his head. I toss my shield aside and stab downward. He roars and shakes his head violently, flinging me to the ground. In the distance I hear a faint call, a squeaky voice. I can’t make out what he says. I’m shaking my own head, dazed from the fall. He yells again and I catch the tail end of his, “THROAT” No head, right? I stumble a few steps, bend over and pick up my sword. I stare hard at the beast, the cogs starting to spin. Ah, the lad had a point before. It’s the throat with my sharp and pointy. I rush at him and he screeches loudly as the flem completely covers my face and shoulders. My sword finds it’s target and he shudders, then dies.
I take a few breaths and then climb the giant lizard again. I rub my foot into his eye and spit on him. My chest puffs and I turn toward my adoring crowd. “Are you slow? Like, legitimately a moron? You could have gotten us all KILLED.” My brows furrow, this wasn’t the greeting I expected for saving their lives. “You ungrateful shit. I spat. I just saved your lives.” “Barely,” he counters. I huff, crossing my arms. “Well, you smell bad.” His eyebrows go up, “and a child at that, lovely.” I turn over to the team and they all look away.
I clear my throat. “Well, you’re welcome,” I say loudly. Groans fill the air as they all move around the beast and start looting. The mage sighs and shakes his head, “we have a choice here.” I look at him blankly. “Dragons protect treasure.” My eyes widen. Forget taking over the town if we can get some amazing loot. Who knows what that creature was sitting on? Yes, the more I think on it the better it sounds. Come, fellow travelers, we shall head toward the treasure!
I turn to the mage and bellow, “can you do a sort of, you know, voo doo or gobledy-whatsit to find out where he came from?” The mage raises a brow, “A location spell?” he says dryly. I nod my head, “yeah, sure.” He sighs and opens his spell book. After several moments (and bizarre instruments the mage brandished) we were on our way to the creature’s den. I wondered if we would stumble upon a bit of entertainment. Like a super orc, or perhaps hoards of goblins. My mouth practically watered thinking about wetting my sword on their bodies. I strode ahead of the group laughing loudly at how they would never suspect such a clever group. We made it over the final hill and I paused, looking up at the glorious mountains sprinkled with forests.
We reach a fork in the road & the farm boy gently taps my shoulder. “uh─sir?” I turn toward him, irritated at my interrupted daydream. “yes?” “We aren’t really dressed for the mountains. Shouldn’t we get different clothes?” I glance down. “Alright, men─” someone clears their throat loudly and I arch a brow at them. I stare for a few seconds and shrug it off. I open my mouth to speak and I hear a small, “and women!” I ground my jaw in annoyance, “yes, yes” I say quickly, waving my hands at them. “We’re going to get clothes, I turn toward the farm hand─ warm ones. We’ll need them for the journey to the beast’s den.” The team grumbles but they all agree and we head toward the town. It’s a bit out of the way, but I estimate we will be closing in On the dragon’s lair by nightfall if we hurry, or at the latest tomorrow morning. The longer we take, the more it will be looted as word spreads throughout the town. In just over an hour we cross the threshold. The town is alive with hundreds of people.
It’s a quaint place, like something from a storybook and I can’t help but chuckle. What strange times we live in with competing technology and dragons. It takes some searching, but we finally locate the merchant. He’s a shifty looking sort and immediately approaches us. “Well then, what can I do you for?” he asks, eyeing one of the women archers. She crosses her arms over her chest and walks away. “We need warm things to cover our bodies.” “Jesus,” the mage growls, “we need clothes.” The merchant nods, “I see.” “We have all sorts here, but we may not have enough in stock for a group your size.” He rubs his chin, “I may be able to put in a rush order, but it’ll cost you.” His eyes are practically gleaming. “What have you got for it?” I’m impatient with this game. “We─ have dragon scales,” I reply eagerly.
The merchant’s eyes widen and then he rubs his hands together. “Dragon scale, you say? Let me take a look at it.” The mage grips my arm tightly. “The fighter is delusional. We have no such thing.” The words fly from my mouth, “Yes we do. We fought it this morning why are you lying to this man? I single-handedly ceased it’s breath with my sword, the wretched thing firing at us every second it got.” The mage relaxed his grasp and placed a hand on his forehead, “gods-damn it man, have you no wit?” I pursed my lips and furrowed my brow. “Right. Well, you have just made our task exponentially more difficult.” He stormed away and I shrug off his moodiness. “A red dragon then,” he purrs, rubbing his hands together. “Tell you what, I’ll let you and your team have these fine furs for a fraction of the cost.”
I grin and nod my head. The group groans. “You idiot, he wants something far more in return,” the archer growls. I raise an eyebrow at her then turn to him, “Is this true?” He does a slow, exaggerated nod. “Take me with your team. You are going to loot, right?” “See?” she spats. “I told you he would want a piece of the action.” I tilt my head, “no, you said─” “Nevermind,” she interrupts. I can’t understand why they are all so hostile toward me, but they do have a point. One more share wouldn’t be so bad, right? I grin at him.
“I’ll even sweeten the deal. If you bring me, I’ll offer two of my best men in return and I’ll sell you the furs at 75% off. A steal, really.” The group shifts and stares at him and then me. “Well, what say you?” he asks. The mage broods in the back.
The mage speaks from behind me at the same time as me, “Sure, come alo─” “Just take the scales,” we size each other up. “What harm can come if he just tags along?” I ask. “What harm can─” he starts incredulously, “he can rob us, murder us, or have friends waiting for starters. And don’t believe for a second he hasn’t thought of it.” The man mutters something behind me. “Or,” I challenge, “he could come in handy and his men could help fight.” “Yeah,” the man says. “Shut up,” we yell together. The man opens his mouth pointing a finger and then changes his mind and shuts it. After a few seconds, he tries a different approach. “Listen, things aren’t going too well with my business. I need this and it’s not like I could carry it all back.”
“You’d have plenty of time if we’re all dead,” the mage snapped. I start laughing and both of them lift a brow at me. “This isn’t funny,” the mage says. I shake my head, “so distrustful,” I say. “And you’re an idiot,” he shoots back. I roll my eyes.
“Well then, take a vote. I say we’ll be fine.” I emphasize the word ‘fine’ waving my hand. “Sure, just sign our lives away. No big deal.” I frown at him, “remember who saved your ass in the tunnels, shithead. Oh, and on land.”
The mage grumbles but nods. “How soon can you and your men be ready? With the furs as well,” I add feeling proud that I remembered. “We have the furs in stock, the men will be back within the hour.” He grins, “you won’t regret this, thank you!” The team is still behaving coldly toward the man, so I clap him on the shoulder. “No need to thank me, just have our backs and we’ll have yours.” The merchant disappears in the back and then returns with enough furs to last a few winters. “Don’t have enough, eh?” the mage drawls. The merchant chuckles, scratching his head. “Have to make a living somehow,” he says. I pat my belly after we’ve fully dressed in our furs. “I don’t know about you, but I could go for a bite.” The group agrees. “What’s good around here, man?” I ask.
“Only the one place,” he says shrugging. “But, they have good beer and decent wings.” My mouth waters. The way I’m feeling I could eat a hundred of those. The group all heads over to the pub chatting excitedly. The door opens and we all inhale at once. Hell yes, food.
“Hey─ David! How’s it going?” The merchant waves and smiles. “Great, me and my friends here want a round of wings and beer.” The tavern owner nods and heads to the kitchen. After a day like today, my bones feel weary. If we’re the only ones to know about the dragon, maybe we could just spend one night here. I look around the table and it seems like everyone else is thinking the same thing. We look tired. The man bursts from the back with another busty waitress and we’re served our beers. If heaven were a place on earth, it would be here.
We decide to stay in the warm inn, especially after our bellies are filled and that we will rise early for our adventure. I barely make it to my room when I collapse in my bed. I vaguely hear some idle threats from the mage before drifting off.
Sometime in the middle of the night, a scratching noise sounds outside my window. I grumble, roll over, and peek out. My eyes widen as the most beautiful woman I have ever seen floats outside. She curls her finger at me, beckoning me to join her. I grin shyly at her. She is captivating and the most unearthly beauty I have ever seen. I glance back at the mage, he’s muttering something in his sleep. The only sound in the inn is the crackling fire behind me. There’s some animalistic part of me that wants to join her.
I’m nervous she may change her mind but when I turn back, she’s gotten closer to the glass. She gently taps, smiling at me. I hold my finger up and run to put on clothes. When I return, she’s nowhere to be found. I search outside and sigh in relief. She’s waving below. I slip open the window and smile, the mage is out cold. Now that the cool air has hit me, I’m wide awake. I look around outside and realize I can climb down and then up the side of the building. Quiet as I can, I slip on my boots and tip-toe over to the window.
My foot catches on the wood and for a moment I think I might slip but I regain my balance. These boards are slick with ice. I lean out, my leg over, and In my haste to jump over the window, I lose my footing and tip over the side. I crash, hard, into a cart full of linens. The cart bends and then cracks into two. I think the worst has possibly happened when I catch of whiff of something─ foul. My nose wrinkles what on earth have I─ my eyes widen and I retch. This isn’t just any pile of linens. It’s dirty unmentionables. I fling them off of me as fast as I can, screaming at the top of my lungs. I jump up, brushing myself off and shuddering. I have never smelled something this awful in my life. And I’ve cleaned elven chamber-pots. This smell will haunt me for some time. I turn around to the inn and freeze. A dozen eyes are staring at me from the entry way. Then the snickers start until their laughter is a dull roar. I’ll never live this down.
The next day I wake grumbling to myself. The mage has a shit-eating grin on his face. “Morning, sunshine,” he calls. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in a while. Figures it would be due to my suffering. “So,” he says, “mind telling me what last night was about?”
My brows furrow as I purse my lips. I didn’t owe this guy anything and I know he’d really make fun of me if I actually tell him why I leaped out of a second story building. I’m going to lie my ass off. Screw him and his dumb face. “I was sleepwalking, if you must know.” he mage squints an eye and tilts his head. “Did you now,” he says, stroking his chin. “That must have been some dream.” He’s watching me closely. I don’t like it, not one bit. I quickly change the subject, “Anyhow, my misfortunes aside, we should get moving.” He nods at me. “For the first time you’re actually making sense,” he pauses, “that worries me but we’ll address it later. Breakfast is ready downstairs.” I nod and gather the last of my things. He goes to walk out and then turns back, “try not to lose your footing on the way down.”
Breakfast has left a bad taste in my mouth. The shit-giving has not stopped since I’ve woken up. We trudge out at first light and I sulk in the back next to the mage. Curiously, he’s seemed nicer toward me than usual. Who knew that my misery made him happy. Joy. t’s mid morning by the time we reach the bottom of the frosty peaks. The group stretches and yawns, then we start unloading our various dried meats and fruit. The archer grins at me and pulls out three very large rabbits from her bag. We all stare hungrily at them. “I thought we might like something fresh,” she says as she lays them down. “We’ll need to cook them, though. Might add a little to our trip, but we’ll make it before sundown.” I’m barely listening as I pull out my knife, ready to skin them. The mage eyes them warily.
He goes to say something and I hold up my hand, “must you always ruin everything for me? What is it now, a devil creature going to pop out and grab me?” The mage sneers, “Do you think before you speak, or are you really as thick headed as an ogre?” I roll my eyes at him and grip one of the animals. He places a hand on my arm, “cooking an animal means fire,” he says softly. “Usually,” I say, tearing the fur away. He sighs, “fire, causes smoke. Cooked meat draws in creatures.” I pause, staring longingly at the small meal.
“What if we cook it in the coals?” One of the men offer. “Then, no smoke.” The mage nods, “yes, but that doesn’t solve the issue of the smell.” None of us like what he’s saying one bit. There’s shifting in the group as everyone quiets. The archer looks at me, “well?”
“Yeah, he’s right,” I set the meat down and mutter, “damn it.” The whole group groans and goes off to their respective corners to eat their jerky in silence. After a bit, we send out a few scouts. The treasure draws closer to our team and I can’t wait to have my glorious loot and be rid of these assholes. I decide I can buy another team. One that doesn’t know anything about my unfortunate event. My mind wanders back to that beauty and I hope I get to see her again when this is through, in the daylight and not falling out of my room.
We’ll stop here for now and I’ll add part two for all of you. I hope that you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read so far. Take care all.
xoxo – Grey ❤